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Celebrate Your Quirks!
By Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach
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Celebrate Your Quirks!
By Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach
www.reallifecoach.com
About 5 years ago, I became deaf in my left ear, due
to nerve damage. At first I wanted to hide it, ignore
it, pretend it didn't exist. I didn't want to wear
hearing aids - that just told everyone I "had a
problem".
But that plan didn't work too well, so my next
strategy was to make sure that people were always on
my right side. I pushed for the chair on the right at
the restaurant table, and turned my entire body toward
the back seat in the car. It was a lot of work! And
most of the time I still said "huh?" a whole lot
anyway.
Sound familiar? Many of us spend a lot of time and
energy trying to hide, or justify, or manage something
in our lives. It might be that you're not careful with
your budget and it creates friction with your spouse.
Or maybe you tend to be stubborn, and it causes a
problem with your co-workers.
What if instead, you chose to acknowledge your
quirk, and accept it as part of who you are. This
may be a novel idea to a lot of you who spend a lot
of time trying to overcome a (perceived) weakness.
The key idea here is that you learn to enjoy the
person that you are, instead of trying to become
someone. I'm absolutely not advocating that you
use it as an excuse, or a wall to hide behind. I'm
absolutely not advocating that you lower your
standards, or even not work on raising your
standards.
I'm simply suggesting a different approach. By
being honest with others, and with yourself, you take
responsibility for how your weakness affects your
life and the people you care about. And THAT'S
what you work on.
By accepting a weakness, it allows you to be honest
with people. I now say "I don't hear well on my left,
so you may need to tap me to get my attention."
You might say, "I tend to be impatient, so please let
me know if I rush through things".
Accepting that you have weaknesses helps you
recognize and accept that other people also have
weaknesses. Instead of just trying to pretend that
we're all perfect (or should be perfect), instead it
helps you see how your (perceived) weakness affects
them, and how their weakness affects you.
It helps you ask for patience and understanding, and
be more willing to be patient and understanding as
well. And isn't that what you're really looking for
in the first place?
Let's take this a step further.
Often there are even good things lurking untapped
under a (perceived) weakness. My hearing loss has
made me more sensitive to body language and tone,
and I often pick up on things that haven't been
expressed in words.
My sister-in-law is known for being "picky", and it
can drive her husband a little nuts at times. But that
attention to detail has gotten her promoted in her job
more than once.
Where would NYPost Columnist Liz Smith be
without her "weakness" for gossip? Not rich and
famous, that's for sure!
Where would Lawyer Johnny Cochran be without
his quirky arrogance and bravado? I sure want my
lawyer to be obstinate and aggressive when he's
defending me!
However, it's important to remember that a great
life is all about balance -- everything in moderation.
Anything that runs your life -- or ruins it -- even
if it's a "good trait", is swinging the pendulum too far
the other way.
For example, if you perceive your weakness to be
that you are a worrier, yet you find that being a
worry-wart has kept you from doing some things
you're glad you didn't do, that's great. But if
worrying is keeping you from living a full life, then
it's swung too far the other direction. See the
difference?
In your life, you are equal to more than the just the
sum of all your parts. It's the combination of them,
that makes you special, unique, loveable, and
quite frankly, interesting. It's the balance of them
that makes for a happier, healthier, easier, life.
If you try to overcome or deny your quirks, you'll
end up denying yourself. And that's no way to live.
Success is about living life on your own terms -
whatever you define that to be. And sometimes the
imperfections are the best part!
====================================
Professional Life Coach Kathy Gates is the author of
several e-books and e-courses designed to help people
live happier, healthier, easier lives. Sign up for her
ezine, "Make It Happen" at
www.reallifecoach.com.
====================================
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